Phuket & on the way to Bangkok

26 May I arrived in Phuket by plane from Ko Samui. I was bundled into a minicab. (A Toyota hiace with 15 seats) It was about a fiver cheaper than a taxi so i gave it a go. Never again. It took 3 hours to go 25km as they went from office to office looking to fill the bus before they embarked on the huge 25km journey across town. I decided to go to a place called Karon Beach to the Bazoom hostel and guesthouse. when i got there at 11pm it was closed for renovation. So much for the latest Lonely planet guide book. Anyway the ever opportunistic Thai minicab driver had a brainwave and he knew a 'werry nie plates' (very nice place) in Patpong. Anyway, i arrived at this place which was an overpriced dump. I thought i was doing yoga when i lay down on the mattress with my head and feet up in the air and my ass 6 inches from the floor. Anyway headed down the town and found a nicer place (Tatum Mansion) for way less and booked in for the following 2 nights. Funny room but i liked it, it had no window but had a nice bed, a/c and cable tv, dvd, mini bar etc so it was ok.
27 May I got talking to a tuk tuk driver this morning and he said he'd bring me all around the island on my own 4 hour private guided tour for E12. He was a nice auld skin and spoke good English. Deal!, i said and off we went. He was 43 and had 7 kids...we were going to get on great. Our tour took in lots of things including a trip to Tesco. This island was badly hit by the Tsunami and he witnessed it. He said ' I run up hill with seaside on my feets!' his body language spoke volumes. That night i went to the hugely popular 'Simon cabaret'. This was a huge auditorium with comfy leather seats, a/c and all the stars were ladyboys! All in the name of research i say, and they were very good looking. As Stephen Corbett said to me in Ko Samui, if you had to choose between the ugliest girl in Ireland or the best looking LB...which would you choose? waist up no bother.
28 May Went on a speedboat trip to Phi Phi island, where they shot 'The Beach' a movie starring Leonardo de Caprio in 2000. I saw Coca cola drinking monkeys that swam and entertained visitors. They were wild but they were used to us. I tried to give one of them some banana but it wanted sweets. I remember a few monkeys in Ireland with that attitude. Went to a few other paradise islands but was getting bored after a while. All selling Cornettos for E3.50. It was a beautiful part of the world though.
29 May I left Phuket this morning, but not without my daily dose of drama. The hotel had a 24 hr laundry service which i engaged but 36 hours later there was no sign of my laundry. The receptionist wanted me to check out on time but i said 'no pants, no chance' she failed to see the funny side. Anyway i was told to go for breakfast and they would have it on my return. Sure enough it was all there. I got a motorcycle taxi to the bus stop, on the back of a honda 50 with my bag and baggage (as my old primary school teacher, Mrs Mullarkey used to say). Must have been a sight. I took the bus north to Takum Pa and then east to Khao Sok national park. I checked into 'Our Jungle House' and that evening i went 'Tubing' (sitting into fully inflated truck tyre tubes) down a river which was slow but relaxing. I whacked my arse off a big submerged rock but otherwise was good. The Guides 10 year old son joined us but was a real show off, a nice lad though but funny how kids are the same everwhere.
30 May I rented a motobike today and went off into the national park. I went to this huge dam and drove around for a bit. On the way home the heavens opened up and was caught in a monsoon shower with no shelter. I eventually foud a hut on the side of the road but the damage was done. Everything was soaked including my lonely planet book, phone and clothes. I dried everything as best i could but in a humid evironment thats not easy. Funny though driving home in the downpour was strangely enjoyable...the rain was warm and quiet pleasant. I had a great meal and a nice beer in the restaurant of the guest house and all was forgotten.
31 May Got the bus from the entrance to the park today to a town called Phun Phin. It has a train station where the Bangkok train passes through. Im booked onto the 6.22pm train with sleeper bed, will take 11 hours........ah the good life.

The 7 Day Detox Program

I finished my 7 day fast yesterday. What a week. I was given a heap of things as part of my overall detox program. I had herbal supplements with all kinds of minerals, syllium husk drinks for fibre, acidophulis for good bacteria and had to drink broth soups (dishwater) coconut juice, carrot juice, liver flush drinks which consisted of olive oil, garlic, ginger, cayenne pepper and toped with mango juice to make it bearable. That’s what went in. What I did to get things out was an entirely different matter, Matter being the appropriate word. The ‘Colema’ was a twice daily task which involved lying on a board with a rod the size of a pencil up my arse and warm water mixed with garlic or coffee flushing in and out. In reality it was a weird experience. The first 2 days were flushing out the food still in my system but the following days things were coming out that resembled nothing that ever came out before. Anyway without going into too much detail about it, it wasn’t the worst and I was glad all that foul crap was in the toilet rather than being in me. Other things were steam baths, meditation, yoga and umbookoo massages. They massaged your belly and prodded the intestine which aided all the stuck stuff find its way to the outside world. Anyway its done and im eating again. To break the fast a carefully designed menu of small portions of fruit and lighty steamed veg is on offer. As the days pass more adventurous items are allowed. I lost 5kgs which is about ¾ stone. Im sure I have that back on again soon, but according to the iridologist I had very clear eyes and was in excellent health. So with my body’s NCT and a full service under my arm Im off to Phuket and Ko Phi Phi island (where they made the film ‘The Beach’ and a James Bond Movie.

Arrived in Thailand

Finally I left the comforts of home and headed off. having left Heathrow at 10.30pm, after flying from galway via dublin, I flew through the night to Bangkok. Funny though when you flying east the morning arrives quicker and the sun was up within a few hours. The Planes now have tellys in the headrests so i was treated to lots of CDs, DVDs, computer Games and a flight progress map. The technology was telling me that i was flying over Afghanistan so i decided to take a look out my window to see. I had to laugh to myself as there is no way in hell that the yanks were going to catch bin laden down there. The mountains, valleys, deserts and no roads were visible as far as the eye could see. A little while later we flew over the mouth of the ganges which was massive and then over Burma to see wher our money is going but all seemed fine at 32,000 ft. Arrived in Bangkok to a lovly new airport and connecting to my flight to the island of Ko samui was no problem. I thought i was in some South Pacific island with painted open top buses delivering us to a bamboo made terminal. Stephen Corbett met me at the airport and we went to the health resort. I am about to start a 7 day fast with all kinds of mind and body treatments in store. While im coming around to my fast ive had 90 minute massages for E13 and having fabulous lunches for E1.50. There are mad things here with 20 people packed onto a small pickup truck, a family of 4 on a moped and petrol sold in whiskey bottles on the side of the road. anyway will fill you in on how the fast goes next time. R